ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I would ride that face into the sunset
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
