Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
