Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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