I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
