i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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