I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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