my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize