why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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