remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
