you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
