OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
