he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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