No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
