I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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