she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
