You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
