dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
