your parents love me but you hate me
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
