If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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