i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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