this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
