no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
