I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
