i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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