You made me cry and you don't even care
Michael Bay diarrhea
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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