So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
