i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
