Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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