dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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