I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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