Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
