In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
