Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
After last night, I could never be a politician.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
