found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
