Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
