Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize