I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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