The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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