you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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