from now on my penis is your penis
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
