I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
