i barfeds in our rink
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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