He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
