I think my fart just growled at me.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You are the jesus of drinking
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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