If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
