you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize