I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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