How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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