I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
