I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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