Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
