Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
there was a trapeze. enough said
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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