awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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