Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just invented taco cereal.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
