A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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