i think my mom watched the whole time
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
