Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
