I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
