The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
