I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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