10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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