The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
