is your mom at the bar?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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