Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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