Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
