the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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