I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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