Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize