it was like his penis was on wheels.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
