Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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