I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
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