He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just want to make out with him forever
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
