note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
