dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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