I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
