grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
