I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
