Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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