just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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