Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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