I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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