I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
