the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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