We won't sleep together?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
