I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
