Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
