There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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